In all likelihood, you haven’t naturally and spontaneously discovered your attitude to love. It’s pretty common to have an attitude but not be consciously aware of it. You might need something to draw your attention to it: You could suddenly realize that your lover is wearing you out with his/her doubts and fears that your love is fading. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may feel deeply loved when you really get his/her sarcastic sense of humor. These are clues about whether or not you and your partner are marching to a different drummer or to the same one when it comes to love. But this realization doesn’t provide you with enough insight to boost your love-life in a big way.
Having your attitude to love defined:
- Will help you understand what love is for you.
Love will become more than a mysterious feeling that can confuse you and trip you up.
You will be able to put words on it and think about it.
Being clear-headed, you can explain yourself to others and purposefully try to obtain your version of love.
What makes love relationships stand the test of time and surmount all sorts of difficulties is a combination of how much love the two people feel for each other and how much problem-solving ability they have. This is why it’s critically important to do everything you can to understand, appreciate and manage love; that-is your love and your love relationship. Then you have the best chance of being able to help them both flourish.
You can start by learning about your attitude to love.
What is your attitude to love?
Your attitude to love is the set of thoughts and feelings that determines how you think, feel and behave when you’re in love. It defines love for you.
There are four attitudes to love:
You may see love as a Gripping Drama, a Passionate Adventure, a Sensible Compromise or a Joyful Diversion.
By the way, it’s possible that you have characteristics of more than one attitude to love. Plus, your attitude to love can change over time or with different lovers.
Figure out your love attitude by:
- Reading a brief summary of each attitude to love to see if it feels like it could apply to you.
Answering the questions. If you answer yes to a number of questions for a love attitude, it could be yours.
Once you know your love attitude:
- Consider the tips to help you manage the troublesome parts of that attitude to love.
Is your attitude to love that it’s a Gripping Drama?
Seeing love as a Gripping Drama means you’re prepared for uneasiness, suspense and turmoil. In other words you’re expecting your love-life to provide you with some serious and intense ups and downs. Both good and bad times can fill your need for tense and spellbinding excitement.
Find out if you’re a Gripping Dramatist:
- Are you a serious-minded person who is aware of the dark side of life?
- Do you feel as though life and love haven’t treated you very well?
- When you fall in love, are you secretly afraid that you don’t deserve to have somebody fall in love with you, even though you want to believe that you do?
- Do you go through painful games of he/she loves me, he/she loves me not?
- At times, do you feel terribly vulnerable which makes you sensitive, intense, panicked or volatile?
- Have you been extremely controlling in your environment and towards others to make up for how out of control you feel within yourself?
- Do you emotionally push and pull your lover and yourself so much that you can end up sabotaging your whole relationship?
Gripping Dramatist Love-Life Tips
You may need your lover to help you catch yourself and stop your emotions from taking over while you identify and solve your problems together. Plus, you’ll probably be generally calmer and happier in your love relationship when you agree to maintain these three values:
- Kindness. If you are compassionate and caring with each other as often as possible, you’ll be less inclined to be negative.
Patience. If you’re both calm and understanding most of the time, you’ll have fewer emergencies.
Reliability. If you have a strong feeling of trust between you, you’ll feel safe and panic less.
For you, these are the six most loving words in the English language:
Everything is going to be O.K.
It may not make sense that you find this statement comforting, but it works every time.
Is your attitude to love that it’s a Passionate Adventure?
You figure you’ll have the excitement of strengthening your romantic and sexual feelings as you embark on new and wonderful experiences. Your daydream includes feeling inspired and enthusiastic about the quest and challenge of love.
Find out if you’re a Passionate Adventurer:
- Are you a courageous person who knows that life and love strengthen you?
- When you fall in love, do you believe in yourself and see yourself going on an amazing quest?
- Do you think life and love give you a great opportunity to explore, using your lens on the world and your sense of humor?
- Are you confident enough to make split-second decisions and go forward immediately?
- Is maximizing your courage all part of the adventure for you?
- Would you seriously dislike it if anyone or anything interfered with your spirit for adventure?
- Is it fair to say that you can’t stand it to be bored, fenced in or cornered?
Passionate Adventurer Love-Life Tips
You may find that following these guidelines will make you and your lover feel strong together:
- Give each other thoughtful consideration.
To feel whole as individuals, aim to be true to yourselves.
Each of you needs some personal freedom and a sense of humor.
More than anything else, you have to remember this one magic word:
This word was probably coined by a Passionate Adventurer.
You don’t need so much respect for each other that either of you feels awe or fear. Neither of you has to silently give way to the other. But you must maintain your high regard for each other. Respect and love go hand in hand for you.
Is your attitude to love that it’s a Sensible Compromise?
Picturing your love relationship as a Sensible Compromise indicates that you’re seeking a calm and steady love-life. For you love and passion are desirable as long as they work well in your daily life and plans for the future. You generally prefer a solid and reliable love relationship; one that provides you with a sense of serenity and confidence.
Find out if you’re a Sensible Compromiser:
- Are you a warm and comforting person, running your life so you feel safe and secure?
- Do you really, really dislike disappointments?
- Is it painful for you to disappoint yourself because you’re shocked and upset that you let it happen, feeling almost like you betrayed yourself?
- Do you do your level best to avoid letdowns and setbacks, by not setting high expectations, not going to extremes or not having wild and crazy emotions?
- Do you even minimize romance and passion?
- When the inevitable losses occur anyway, are you very realistic and practical, reckoning with them and settling for less than you had before?
- Does your way work for you, such that you strongly resist anyone who tries to rush you, push you or change you?
Sensible Compromiser Love-Life Tips
You find it easier to accept growth and change if:
- You spend some considerable time trying to develop an understanding and appreciation for the concept of opportunity.
You realize that you’re not just cheating yourself if you keep bargaining down; accepting less and less of what you want out of life. Your lover shares your life with you, so he/she ends up with less and less too. Whereas you don’t mind cheating yourself, you have a problem with cheating your lover.
Proceed slowly and carefully to make your experience as fail-safe as possible.
You need your lover to help you feel understood, appreciated and valued as a person and as a lover. You especially require reliability and excitement. These are the magic words your lover can say to you:
I won’t disappoint you.
Is your attitude to love that it’s a Joyful Diversion?
Viewing romance and desire as a Joyful Diversion indicates that you have a youthful, fun-loving sense of wonder about love. You respond to difficulties by needing to be refreshed and restored before facing them. But, even then, dealing with troubles isn’t your favorite activity.
Find out if you’re a Joyful Diversionist:
- Can you be as happy, self-indulgent and in-the-moment as a child at play?
- When you fall in love, is it a spontaneous and glorious high?
- Does love make you feel like you’re in your element: young at heart, in love with love and escaping the difficult stuff of life?
- Does it all feel wonderfully different from the monotony of regular daily life?
- Based on your feeling, do you have every confidence that you and your lover will be able to keep your love strong and thriving?
- Does it feel absolutely terrible to have somebody rain on your parade?
- Is this one of the worst things to hear: you need to grow up, the feelings of new love will end, and you should accept this dose of sobering reality?
Joyful Diversionist Love-Life Tips
You and your lover can use this model for serious discussions:
- Be clear that you’re going to find a constructive way to handle an issue.
Make sure you’re compassionate towards each other.
Go easy when you’re talking about hard feelings and tough problems.
Break the concern down into small pieces.
Deal with the chunks one at a time.
Develop and implement an action plan that you can both handle.
See this process as one that produces love and security.
You need a guide to show you the way, help you steer and keep you steady: Your very own rudder.
Here are the eight magic words your lover can say to you:
Don’t be afraid, you can lean on me.
No matter what the problem may be that statement will make you feel better.
Understand, appreciate and manage your love and your love relationship
Just think about the times your lover has asked you questions about your relationship and think about the times you have questioned yourself about it. Having a base of knowledge about how you see love gives you some answers about why you think, feel and behave as you do.
Once you understand your own love story, you can appreciate what you’re driving at even if you miss the mark sometimes. As you get to know yourself as a lover more and more, you understand your inner truths and achieve inner peace.
Plus, with a lot of love and little problem-solving ability, you run the risk of love not being enough. With a little love and a lot of problem-solving ability, you may be able to manage your way through anything but run the risk of not wanting to bother. Love succeeds when you have enough love between you and you manage your relationship well.
- What is love anyway?
- 3 Signs You’ll Get Engaged: Article at Bustle.com