The Six Passions of the Red-Hot Lover

Mind games in dating

By Wendy Brown July 4, 2017 Advice, Discussion No Comments

Playing mind games with your love interest can be very risky. Let’s suppose you’re playing hard to get. This is a classic game in which the Prince/Princess is presenting a challenge to see if the potential lover will try to prove his/her mettle and show his/her devotion. If he/she makes the grade, then the Prince/Princess might feel safe enough to open up to a love relationship; in other words, come down off of his/her pedestal and be vulnerable. Note that the Prince/Princess is initially taking the upper hand in the game with the assumption that he/she will always have a slight edge of power. After all, if things went badly in the future, he/she could again retreat to the pedestal. This might attract a lover who has a problem with being in the lower position, having to measure up, possibly facing rejection. This individual could be vindictive and play the…

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Letter to the Editor: Toronto Life, July 2015

By Wendy Brown August 4, 2015 News No Comments

Bedtime Stories I’m a Toronto-based therapist with many clients who use Tinder, and I can’t help commenting on your May issue article, “The Bay Street Tinder Diaries.” They tell me it’s a trendy, racy way to meet people as well as a hookup site. Most of them go on it not just for sex but hoping for an emotional connection. If one develops, they seem to feel it’s more of an accomplishment than if they’d used a conventional dating site. If nothing develops, they can fall back on Tinder being a hookup site. It’s sort of like cramming for exams: do well and you look like a genius; do poorly, and you have the face-saving excuse of not having studied until the night before. This may be a well-guarded secret, but in my practice, I’ve found most people still want a loving and passionate relationship. They default into having multiple…

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