Specifically: Do you find that you don’t exactly feel faithful? It’s possible to understand the whole concept of monogamy and agree to it, but not fully feel it. People describe this phenomenon as feeling like they have a chip missing. They simply don’t get it deep down. Arguably, there’s nothing missing or wrong with individuals who don’t feel completely faithful. It’s just another way to be. But, if their 100% monogamous partners find out about this, they will typically be outraged, devastated and condemnatory. For them, there’s something seriously wrong when fidelity does not compute. That’s because it puts them at risk. And they question what is wrong with them; they ask if they’re not enough. The issue, however, doesn’t revolve around the partner or the quality of the love in the relationship. It revolves around the person whose loving feelings don’t completely centralize and focus. Instead, their feelings wander…
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Cheating causes some of the worst pain this world has ever known. People describe it as feeling like they’ve been punched in the stomach and had their hearts ripped out. Some cheaters get it. They realize what they’ve done and feel their partner’s pain. But, those with empathy like this seem to be in the minority; most cheaters say they feel really terrible over what they’ve done but it’s somehow less than totally believable. And you’ve got to seriously question the extent to which a chronic cheater feels for his/her partner. It’s possible to have a mismatch in a couple: one is monogamous and the other is poly amorous. Often enough, the poly amorous one doesn’t want to admit it and pretends to be monogamous. This could be due to shame or guilt over not having the strict moral code of his/her partner. But more likely, it’s because he/she is…
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Tinder seems to be the model of efficiency as a hookup or dating site. It appears to be the natural evolution of online dating. This is all good, but there’s something about it that makes me very sad. Perhaps it’s the bottom-line of Tinder that gets to me: A quick connection with someone is easy to obtain. It’s not that valuable. Maybe, as a therapist, I spend too much time talking with playboys and playgirls about their loneliness. I hear that the sex is rarely amazing; generally it’s good enough for two or more people who are drunk or high and who don’t know each other well. Often enough, somebody is getting hurt. And nobody seems to really care about that except the person who is hurt of course. Everybody else is just playing the game, staying in his/her individual bubble and trying not to be that person. I think my issue…
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It’s usually a lengthy and difficult process to end a marriage. That’s because most people don’t take it lightly when they promise to stay with someone forever. There has to be a really substantial problem to make them give up and declare the marriage is done. Here are the six major things that I have seen end marriages: 1) Cheating This is first on the list because it’s one of the most painful reasons people split up. The spouse who finds out his/her partner is cheating usually feels like he/she has been kicked in the gut and just had his/her heart ripped out. The feelings of betrayal, jealousy and humiliation are often intense and unrelenting. Some people simply cannot or will not forgive and forget: cheating leads straight to divorce in these cases. But, there are also lots of marriages in which one individual chronically cheats, or they both do.…
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If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect a man to love you. The thinking here probably is: Women who have love relationships must love themselves. You’ll be better off with more positive self-esteem than you have right now. Who wouldn’t be? Being self-critical allows you to get into a relationship wherein the man is hard on you and you don’t stop him; it could appear as though he doesn’t love you. You’re walking around feeling ‘I’m just not good enough.’ Men are picking up this message and agreeing with you; that’s why you’re not being asked out. If you don’t end up with a man who loves you, it’s your own fault; you failed at loving yourself to a sufficient extent. You’re being criticized for being self-critical. The potential fallout from following this advice is: You develop a flawed view of women who are in love relationships; perceiving all of…
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