Even more questionable dating advice

If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect a man to love you.

The thinking here probably is:

Women who have love relationships must love themselves.

You’ll be better off with more positive self-esteem than you have right now. Who wouldn’t be?

Being self-critical allows you to get into a relationship wherein the man is hard on you and you don’t stop him; it could appear as though he doesn’t love you.

You’re walking around feeling ‘I’m just not good enough.’ Men are picking up this message and agreeing with you; that’s why you’re not being asked out.

If you don’t end up with a man who loves you, it’s your own fault; you failed at loving yourself to a sufficient extent.

You’re being criticized for being self-critical.

The potential fallout from following this advice is:

You develop a flawed view of women who are in love relationships; perceiving all of them to love themselves more than you love yourself. It is patently false that women who have men in their lives deserve it due to their relatively high levels of self-esteem. Think of all the battered women in the world!

The self-sabotage that does occur is putting together the belief ‘You’re just not good enough’ and the behavior of holding back from love relationships until you feel ‘good enough.’

You learn the wrong thing: With this advice, it sounds like you need to see yourself as worthy of being loved by a man. Every man has his own agenda when it comes to selecting and loving a woman.


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