Why are so many people in love with Passionate Adventurers?
Many people who have read about someone with this attitude to love either wish they were Passionate Adventurers, or they set their sights on finding one and falling in love with him/her.
Here is a summary of what it means to be someone who sees love as a Passionate Adventure:
At first sight:
I can be really mysterious; my potential lovers usually sense that there’s a tiny bit of me that can never be won.
As a lover I feel:
Mainly I have confidence that I’m on an amazing quest; with pride, dignity, humour and strength.
My attitude to love is a passionate adventure:
I have a mission; I need to believe in myself and be courageous as I go forward in life and love.
Problems I have in a relationship are:
I can be very offended if my lover doesn’t really know who I am. I find it intolerable to be stifled, controlled, scrutinized or interrogated. I am outraged if my lover corners me.
My needs from a lover are:
I have to be understood, appreciated and respected.
My most positive characteristic overall is:
I maintain my perspective and my courage to know what’s right for me.
My most negative characteristic overall is:
I can be difficult, rebellious and oppositional.
Red flag:
I can be impatient if you don’t believe in me.
Perhaps I should explain a bit about how I developed my theory about attitudes to love; then you’ll understand how a person comes to be a Passionate Adventurer, Gripping Dramatist, Sensible Compromiser or Joyful Diversionist.
As an individual and couples psychotherapist, I’ve spent an enormous amount of time explaining why love problems occur and trying to solve them. I have essentially studied love along with the individuals experiencing it.
I decided to figure out if it’s true that love is different for everybody. So, I kept a piece of paper in my desk and jotted down the definitions of love as I heard them from my clients. I quickly realized that I actually needed four pieces of paper: I was hearing that there are four different views of love. I labelled them love attitudes.
Essentially, a love attitude is a set of thoughts and feelings that determines how you think, feel and behave when you’re in love. You can’t see your love attitude clearly unless someone or something brings it to your attention. Most people need to take my test to figure out which one is theirs.
By the way, it’s very difficult to try to trace back and determine the decisions you’ve made during your lifetime that have resulted in your current attitude to love.
In my opinion, one of the most attractive features of the Passionate Adventurer is this person’s enigmatic quality. Imagine you’re hearing this directly from a Passionate Adventurer:
I know I probably seem slightly mysterious when I meet a potential lover. There’s a tiny part of me that can’t be won; at the end of the day I answer to myself. That’s how I justify believing in myself. My lovers typically find it very appealing to see if they can figure me out and then have me answer to them because of our love and their importance to me. This will never happen, but it’s no reflection on the strength of my love for my lover or his/her importance in my life. I just have a pact with myself that I won’t break.
Then again, the Passionate Adventurer’s ability to have a particular slant on life and love, coupled with his/her natural ability to laugh is pretty appealing too. Here is a Passionate Adventurer addressing this topic:
I have a unique perspective, strong feelings, a sense of humour and personal dignity. I do my best to build a love relationship that empowers me. I love to sit back and poke fun at the trying and boring parts of life. I’ve had lovers fall in love with my sarcasm and wit.
Perhaps it’s the Passionate Adventurer’s clear stance that impresses a lot of people. After all, it can be empowering and exhilarating to find someone who knows his/her own heart and mind. This is another excerpt from a Passionate Adventurer’s own statements:
I’m very proud and confident because I’ve been happy and comfortable with my lover. I am my own person and I choose to love someone who suits me. I don’t give a rat’s ass if there are people out there who don’t understand me or my choice of lover. I treasure my unique lens on the world. I’ve worked very hard to get to the point where I know in an instant what feels good to me. I need to know what’s true and untrue for me; what’s right and wrong for me.
When I listen to Passionate Adventurers for any length of time, I can’t help but hear a rendition of the song ‘The Impossible Dream’ in the background. I suspect it’s the combination of courage, freedom and respect that form the core of the Passionate Adventurer lover’s magic and charm.