You may still be reeling from finding out that someone you love has betrayed you. He/she is saying that the affair is over, but you don’t know how to figure out what to do next. Do you stay with the person who has done something unloving and untrustworthy or do you move on? If you stay together or not, how do you recover from this loss? Ultimately, this is a very personal decision. There are people who cannot tolerate cheating of any kind; one incident signals the end of their union. There are others who won’t consider ending their relationships no matter what happens. This could be due to love, children, money, insecurity or any number of other reasons. Then there are the people in the middle, between these two extremes. Even though they are devastated, angry and/or heartbroken, they need to decide if they can forgive the cheater and…
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Specifically: Do you find that you don’t exactly feel faithful? It’s possible to understand the whole concept of monogamy and agree to it, but not fully feel it. People describe this phenomenon as feeling like they have a chip missing. They simply don’t get it deep down. Arguably, there’s nothing missing or wrong with individuals who don’t feel completely faithful. It’s just another way to be. But, if their 100% monogamous partners find out about this, they will typically be outraged, devastated and condemnatory. For them, there’s something seriously wrong when fidelity does not compute. That’s because it puts them at risk. And they question what is wrong with them; they ask if they’re not enough. The issue, however, doesn’t revolve around the partner or the quality of the love in the relationship. It revolves around the person whose loving feelings don’t completely centralize and focus. Instead, their feelings wander…
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I’m a psychotherapist working in Toronto, and several of my patients have read “My Cheating Heart” and expressed anger over the writer’s selfish actions, as well as sympathy for her husband.
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