How does your individual chemistry work?

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. Harville Hendrix has told us that we make good, bad and indifferent choices of partners and need to learn how to make the relationships work. I say there’s a piece missing: We need more than how to communicate love to each other and how to develop good patterns of relating. My point is that lovers need to also know how their individual chemistry works; what is their attitude to love? That tells you by what mechanism the feelings of tenderness, passion and lust flow.

So, what is an attitude to love? Quite simply, it’s a set of thoughts and feelings that determines how you think, feel and behave when you’re in love. It reveals what love is for you. Basically, the attitudes fall into one of four categories. There’s passion, dignity, peace and joy; the core units from which love is created.

If you’re a Red-hot Lover, you feel a passionate connection to your lover. And that means you can be very sensitive, experience heartfelt emotion, go through drama and even chaos, all in the name of love.

As a Courageous Adventurer, you answer to yourself and highly value respect. This makes you ever so slightly mysterious, with a slant on life that means a lot to you. You can be very humorous, often with a dry wit.

Alternatively, you could be a Sensible Compromiser who values being calm and reasonable. You give unconditional love and support and do your best to prevent disappointment.

And then there’s the Joyful Diversionist who is young at heart, in love with love and adores all that’s spontaneous and glorious. This makes you a reluctant adult who dislikes it when anybody rains on your parade by telling you to deal with hard, cold facts and problems.

To be able to generate love in the first place and keep it going, you need to know your attitude to love, the core chemical unit from which your love is created.

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