I think there are multiple factors that have contributed to the trend of the last decade that has seen women combining the ideal mate with the best friend. Online dating, social media, texting and sexting have ironically made people feel more disconnected and anonymous in some ways. It’s entirely possible to link up with others and present yourself to the world without anybody ever getting to know who you really are. Life can be very lonely unless you have family or friends who know you and love you. We’ve also had the phenomenon of friends with benefits for quite some time. It doesn’t work for everybody. But I think the idea of combining friendship and sex has filtered into our consciousness. Our divorce rate has been soberingly high for a long time. It might now be starting to go down. The upsetting and expensive reality of divorce has made many…
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Wendy Brown was interviewed for an article in Womanista. Read the article here.
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You may still be reeling from finding out that someone you love has betrayed you. He/she is saying that the affair is over, but you don’t know how to figure out what to do next. Do you stay with the person who has done something unloving and untrustworthy or do you move on? If you stay together or not, how do you recover from this loss? Ultimately, this is a very personal decision. There are people who cannot tolerate cheating of any kind; one incident signals the end of their union. There are others who won’t consider ending their relationships no matter what happens. This could be due to love, children, money, insecurity or any number of other reasons. Then there are the people in the middle, between these two extremes. Even though they are devastated, angry and/or heartbroken, they need to decide if they can forgive the cheater and…
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In my experience, it is difficult and painful, but possible, to look at divorce as a step towards personal growth. It can be very sad, even heartbreaking, but nonetheless an inevitable reality. Something critically important in the union between the two people has broken down. And on one side or both sides, there’s not enough resilience, love, passion or interest to bring the relationship back to life. In cases of cheating, there’s usually a lot of high emotion; blaming the cheater for everything that went wrong in the past and present. The outrage of the betrayed person can truly be a force to be reckoned with. Another situation that elicits high emotion is the breakdown of the couples physical relationship. Usually one partner was more likely than the other to avoid sex, which made the other feel rejected and unloved. These situations often degenerate into one of them counting the…
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Basically, you need to zero in on the connection between you. And sift through the tumult of emotions you experience when you’re attracted to someone, falling in love or in love. Separate out your feelings into three camps: Sexual Hopeful Resonating Sexual feelings are any that drive you towards physical intimacy. Hopeful feelings are those you add to the facts. Facts include what is actually happening in front of you; what is concrete and real. Let’s suppose there’s appreciation, respect, kindness and dignity between you and someone. Then there is what you hope, dream and wish all of that means. It’s your interpretation blended with your vested interest. Beware that your vested interest can go either way: false positive or false negative. You might be wondering why anyone would have a false negative hope. This occurs when an individual is afraid of being set-up for failure. Instead of leaving him/herself…
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