The Six Passions of the Red-Hot Lover

By Wendy Brown, Clinical Member, Ontario Society of Psychotherapists

The Six Passions of the Red-Hot LoverFind Out Which One is Yours Buy the Paperback: Amazon Buy the E-Book: Amazon Kindle | Apple iBookstore | Kobo As a Red-hot Lover, you’re not just into mind-blowing sex. There’s a big part of you that’s also up for regal, passionate love. Your passion is your guide; it gives you a delicate, intuitive sense along with a wild and crazy side. You may even focus on one of the six passions: heartbreak, challenge, pursuit, gallantry, vindication or attention. Finding out which passion is yours helps you understand and interpret what happens in your love life. As a Red-hot Lover, that can make it possible for you to star in one of the great love stories of our time. “…Informative, full of clever ideas, and rich in sensible advice – this is a book very much worth reading…” Read the full, five-star review by Grady Harp, an Amazon top reviewer. “Wendy’s concept of the six passions… Continue Reading

National Indie Excellence Book AwardWhy Love Succeeds or Fails has won a National Indie Excellence® Book Award in the Relationships category! Continue Reading

Interview at Mommy Noire websiteAbiola’s Love School is a weekly empowered Love Lesson... Continue Reading

Why Love Succeeds or FailsBuy the Paperback: Amazon Buy the E-Book: Amazon Kindle | Apple iBookstore | Kobo Falling in love is easy; it comes naturally. But you have to find a way to keep your love alive. This is how you can use Why Love Succeeds or Fails to help you succeed in love: Figure out your attitude to love. (Take the test.) When you’re in love, your attitude determines how you think, feel and behave. For you, love may be a Gripping Drama, a Passionate Adventure, a Sensible Compromise or a Joyful Diversion. Read about your attitude to love, including your most lovable and unlovable features, the magic word(s) your lover can say to you and your red flag. Pay attention to your recommendations. Do the same for your lover. Read about your love-match, with a focus on the core features of your love and your issues, your tips and your red flag… Continue Reading

Red-hot Lovers are often into living fairy-tale lives

By Wendy Brown September 28, 2015 Advice, Articles No Comments

Jackie Bouvier Kennedy had a fairy-tale life in many ways, but not all.

Her father, Black Jack Bouvier, taught her how to command attention as a poised, enigmatic and beautiful woman. Her mother taught her to marry wealthy men and approved of Senator John F Kennedy. Her father was supposed to walk her down the aisle at her wedding, but instead he was at home naked, drunk and asleep. Jackie was envied by women such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn, who vied for the role of future First Lady married to the young and gorgeous Presidential hopeful.

Jackie scored when it came to her social standing, but she believed she was married to the world’s worst husband. On their honeymoon, Jack told her he had prostatitis, gonorrhea and chlamydia; none of which could be cured due to his Addison’s disease. Jack’s childhood gay friend, Lem Billings, was ever-present to give him full body massages and blow jobs. Then there was Jack’s constant womanizing and orgies, which included famous women, unknown women and plenty of hookers. He’d pick up women right in front of Jackie. Jack explained that he didn’t think he’d live to be 40 due to his illnesses and his back trouble; he wanted to get everything he could out of life.

In 1957, Jackie found out she was pregnant again. Jack got home at 1:00 a.m.; she had been drinking heavily and was dressed only in her slip. She yelled at him about his womanizing inside and outside the house. In response he brought her inside, wrapped her in a blanket and gave her brandy. Plus, he contacted Valleyhead, a private psychiatric facility. She was drugged and committed to the hospital for a week, receiving three applications of electroconvulsive therapy to treat her depression. John didn’t visit her because he didn’t want to draw attention to her stay there. He also wasn’t home when she was released and she said she was more depressed then than when she went into the hospital.

As the First Lady, Jackie became the most photographed woman in the world, admired for her style and grace. Her revitalization of the White House was considered first class and brought her all sorts of acclaim. As time went on, she had affairs with men like William Holden, Rudolph Nureyev and Aristotle Onassis. She lived the life. And that was what she wanted: Being a cultured, privileged, desired first lady married to the sexy, powerful and wealthy leader of the free world. Talk about a fairy-tale life!

Jackie was a true Red-hot Lover. She wanted the fairy tale so badly that she was willing to pay a huge price for it.

Some of this information is from the book ‘Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis’.

Liz and Dick were Red-hot Lovers

By Wendy Brown September 23, 2015 Advice No Comments

Think of the scandal caused by Liz and Dick. It focused on Liz who had been married four times before the age of 30; she was currently married to Eddie Fisher who she stole from Debbie Reynolds. Not that long prior, the tabloids were putting out statements like this: ‘Liz Blood Thirsty Widow Vampires Eddy.’ Eddie was right there working with Liz during the filming of Cleopatra. Dick was married to Sybil Williams who was accustomed to his cheating. He had another woman, a Copacabana dancer, who would show up on the set of Cleopatra. And in the middle of all of that, Liz and Dick fell in love and started up an affair.

Remember that Cleopatra was filmed in the early 1960’s in Rome. The affair between Liz and Dick was not only public it was also a top story. Because they were situated in Rome, the Vatican got involved. Vatican Radio labelled their behavior as the ‘caprices of adult children’ and ‘this insult to the nobility of the hearth.’ Il Tempo called Liz an ‘intemperate tramp who destroys families and devours husbands.’ The Vatican City Weekly L’Osservatore della Domenica said she was guilty of ‘erotic vagrancy’ and questioned the agency that allowed her to adopt her daughter Maria.

In the U.S. House of Representatives, they debated whether or not to allow the lovers back into the country. They actually considered revoking the passports of Liz and Dick on the grounds of undesirability. Congresswoman Iris Blitch said Liz ‘lowered the prestige of American women abroad and damaged good will in foreign countries.’ Ed Sullivan, who had a very popular television show in the U.S., said ‘You can only trust that youngsters will not be persuaded that the sanctity of marriage has been invalidated by the appalling example of Ms. Taylor-Fisher and married man Burton.’

Once filming was over, Liz and Dick tried to chill everything out. She said:

For four months we tried to stay away from each other. We were too aware of the pain we were causing others to stay together. But it’s a hard thing to do, to run away from your fate. When you are in love and lust like that, you just grab it with both hands and ride out the storm.

Liz and Dick felt like they were betraying a sacred force in the universe when they tried to let their love go.

Some of this information is from the book ‘Furious Love’ and some is from a Vanity Fair article: ‘When Liz Met Dick The Making of Cleopatra.’

I know this guy is a player…

By Wendy Brown September 17, 2015 Advice No Comments

But, we had a great connection and really strong chemistry. Our first date was just so much fun. Why didn’t I hear from him again?

The fact that this man is a known player is very important. It means that in general for some reason he has chosen not to open up that much in romantic and passionate situations. Instead, he has opted to remain in a position of control, to protect himself. It’s hard to know exactly what he has chosen to hold back and why; this is very individual and may be quite idiosyncratic.

Whatever is missing or well guarded is his area of insecurity. It could be that he’s fascinated by women whose behavior makes no sense and whenever he’s tried to get close to someone like that, he’s been massively hurt. Perhaps he’s got a long history of being/feeling neglected by the kind of person he’d like to have shower attention on him. But, he’s very picky: the woman has to be critical and cold to him in some ways for him to want her to be close to him. Maybe he was rejected by someone who was elusive, greedy and prideful. As a result, he’s determined to attract a person like that so he can figure out what he did wrong the first time around.

As a general rule, it’s very challenging and difficult to entice a known player into a long-term relationship unless you represent the exact mix of characteristics that appeal to him. The mix is usually peculiar and somewhat difficult. If you happen to have that blend naturally, you’ll be in with very little effort on your part at the outset. However, given the fact that both of you have complex issues, you could be in for something of a rough ride. Hopefully one of you is in the process of healing from some of the emotional stuff you’re carrying around and the other gets inspired. Then, you might be able to work towards a close, fulfilling relationship.

Friends with benefits beware.

By Wendy Brown September 12, 2015 Advice No Comments

Often enough one person wants a friendship with benefits as a means of safely, conveniently and comfortably having a sexual relationship. That individual is completely clear that he/she is not in love and will not be falling in love with the friend. But then the friend has other ideas.

The friend wants a romantic and passionate relationship and hopes to transition the friends with benefits arrangement into just that. However, this needs to be something of a secret, to avoid creating a potentially unworkable and hopeless situation.

The person who really wants the friends with benefits arrangement is probably actively seeking someone else who is relationship material. It should be fine to let the current friend know exactly that. But given what’s going on within him/her, it is devastating. It feels insulting, disappointing and hurtful. The message may very well come across as equivalent to saying the friend is simply not good enough and never will be.

It happens that the one who is not in love senses or knows the feelings of the friend and holds back from being completely clear about his/her lack of love. This is in the interests of maintaining the arrangement that works for him/her.

This is a really risky situation for the friend who is emotionally involved. Whereas the relationship could turn into what he/she wants it to be, the odds of that happening are low. Very often, people mean it when they say they’re not in love and there’s no potential for them to fall in love.

Do you have a cheating heart?

By Wendy Brown September 5, 2015 Advice No Comments

Specifically: Do you find that you don’t exactly feel faithful? It’s possible to understand the whole concept of monogamy and agree to it, but not fully feel it. People describe this phenomenon as feeling like they have a chip missing. They simply don’t get it deep down.

Arguably, there’s nothing missing or wrong with individuals who don’t feel completely faithful. It’s just another way to be. But, if their 100% monogamous partners find out about this, they will typically be outraged, devastated and condemnatory. For them, there’s something seriously wrong when fidelity does not compute. That’s because it puts them at risk. And they question what is wrong with them; they ask if they’re not enough.

The issue, however, doesn’t revolve around the partner or the quality of the love in the relationship. It revolves around the person whose loving feelings don’t completely centralize and focus. Instead, their feelings wander a little or a lot. This doesn’t mean the individual acts on the feelings. Often, he/she feels quite upset, ashamed and unsettled about the fact that attraction, love or lust just comes over him/her for someone other than his/her partner.

So, what do you do if you don’t exactly feel faithful and you’re in a committed relationship? Well, you can deal with your contrary emotions. When you’re at work and you’d much rather be sailing, you reckon with yourself and stay at work. You can look into polyamory and see if it suits you. If it does and you have or want a monogamous partner, then you have some issues and decisions in front of you.

Although it’s very difficult to avoid criticizing yourself when you don’t exactly feel faithful, it’s very important that you do. You may be trying to use self-blame as a means of controlling your impulses and behavior. It’s better if you just put limits on yourself if that’s the way you want to handle it.

If you can, try to be kind to yourself and understand how you think and feel. Then you’ll have a solid appreciation of who you are and what you want and need in your love relationships. That’s a really good start.