According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. Harville Hendrix has told us that we make good, bad and indifferent choices of partners and need to learn how to make the relationships work. I say there’s a piece missing: We need more than how to communicate love to each other and how to develop good patterns of relating. My point is that lovers need to also know how their individual chemistry works; what is their attitude to love? That tells you by what mechanism the feelings of tenderness, passion and lust flow. So, what is an attitude to love? Quite simply, it’s a set of thoughts and feelings that determines how you think, feel and behave when you’re in love. It reveals what love is for you. Basically, the attitudes fall into one of four categories. There’s passion, dignity, peace and joy; the core units from which love is…
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Let’s suppose you can describe the perfect man/woman for you. You might even be able to explain why he/she is your ideal. What you’re doing is tapping into yourself and projecting your image of your other half onto a blank screen. Fair enough. That involves you knowing yourself to some extent, which is a great start. I’d say that’s step one. I propose that step two could be getting to know the type you’re seeking before you even try to find him/her online. You see, when you know yourself, you have some knowledge of what goes with what in your personality. Imagine that you’re uplifting and fun-loving when you fall in love. Well, you’re also probably very upset and avoidant when troubles show up. It’s this yin and yang that’s really important to understand about the man/woman of your dreams. That’s what allows you to be one step ahead in…
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In all likelihood, you haven’t naturally and spontaneously discovered your attitude to love. It’s pretty common to have an attitude but not be consciously aware of it. You might need something to draw your attention to it: You could suddenly realize that your lover is wearing you out with his/her doubts and fears that your love is fading. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may feel deeply loved when you really get his/her sarcastic sense of humor. These are clues about whether or not you and your partner are marching to a different drummer or to the same one when it comes to love. But this realization doesn’t provide you with enough insight to boost your love-life in a big way. Having your attitude to love defined: Will help you understand what love is for you. Love will become more than a mysterious feeling that can confuse you and trip you up. You will…
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