The Six Passions of the Red-Hot Lover

By Wendy Brown, Clinical Member, Ontario Society of Psychotherapists

Friends with benefits beware.

By Wendy Brown September 12, 2015 Advice No Comments

Often enough one person wants a friendship with benefits as a means of safely, conveniently and comfortably having a sexual relationship. That individual is completely clear that he/she is not in love and will not be falling in love with the friend. But then the friend has other ideas. The friend wants a romantic and passionate relationship and hopes to transition the friends with benefits arrangement into just that. However, this needs to be something of a secret, to avoid creating a potentially unworkable and hopeless situation. The person who really wants the friends with benefits arrangement is probably actively seeking someone else who is relationship material. It should be fine to let the current friend know exactly that. But given what’s going on within him/her, it is devastating. It feels insulting, disappointing and hurtful. The message may very well come across as equivalent to saying the friend is simply not good enough and…

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—Tony Toneatto, PhD., CPsych, Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry, Director, Buddhism, Psychology and Mental Health Minor Program, New College University of Toronto

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“Wendy’s years of experience, combined with her powerful intuition and genuine concern for people, give her deep insight into our feelings about love. Why Love Succeeds or Fails goes further than the ‘getting what you want’ approach, and enables us to face our fears, and challenge our long-held assumptions about love and relationships. This book is a great tool whether you’re looking for love, or trying to get past problems in your relationships that seem to come up again and again.”

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